Two Blue Lines | Translation

► Click here to return to the episode official page, or here to see all the episodes.

► We’re here. To stay. Our commitment to Latin America and Latino communities in the United States remains. We’ve accomplished so much together, but there are still many more stories to tell. Support our journalism here.

►Do you listen Radio Ambulante to improve your Spanish? We have something extra for you: try our app, designed for Spanish learners who want to study with our episodes.

---

Translated by MC Editorial

[Daniel Alarcón]: This is Radio Ambulante. I’m Daniel Alarcón. It was August 2020, in the middle of the pandemic. Melanie Riffo, 20, was with her mother at home in Chillán, a city in south-central Chile. While they were having tea, like every afternoon, the television was on in the background. The news was on, and the usual topics of that time were being discussed: contagions, viruses, quarantine, strains. And then an alert was issued by the Chilean Institute of Public Health that had nothing to do with Covid-19:  

[Archive Soundbite]

[Newscast]: On August 24, the Public Health Institute issued a health warning for the recall of Anulette CD contraceptive pills due to errors in the arrangement of the tablets inside the packaging.

[Daniel]: “Anulette CD.” When Melanie heard that name, her stomach sank. It was the contraceptive she had been taking for a month and a half—the one she had relied on to prevent pregnancy with her boyfriend. The alert mentioned a specific batch that had shown defects. Alarmed, Melanie hurried to her room.

[Melanie]: And I went to check my supply of pills and the batch was fine.

[Daniel]: Relief. But she was still anxious because she was already two weeks late.

[Melanie]: You might start to speculate about other things, like, “Maybe because I’m irregular, the pills aren’t regulating me completely yet.” I began to see it that way. 

[Daniel]: Melanie had a habit of taking tests whenever she noticed a delay in her period. And now, with this news, she wanted to make sure she wasn’t pregnant. So she spoke to her boyfriend, Cristóbal Cabezas, and told him that she needed to take a test again. They had been together for six months. He went with her to buy it.

[Cristóbal Cabezas]: I was trying to reassure Melanie along the way. I was telling her to relax, and that nothing was going to happen. In my head there was like a zero percent chance that it would come out positive.

[Daniel]: They bought three tests and walked back to Cristóbal’s parents’ house. But as the time to take it approached, that initial calm began to turn into doubt. He couldn’t shake off one thought: What if it came out positive? 

[Cristóbal]: So I started thinking about what needed to be done, all the work I had to do… figuring out what to do so that nothing would be lacking. 

[Daniel]: He could think about it, but he had a hard time imagining what it would be like. And it scared him. Having a baby was not something either of them was looking forward to. He didn’t have a job, and neither did Melanie, since the restaurant where she worked as a cashier until the pandemic hit was closed. Besides, it just wasn’t in their plans. They were too young; they had other dreams. He wanted to go to a military school. She wanted to study a degree related to health. It was something they had talked about. 

[Melanie]: I told him that if I ever got pregnant, I wouldn’t want to have the baby because I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel capable of taking care of a baby. 

[Daniel]: Back home, Melanie took one of the tests into the bathroom and followed the routine she was familiar with. She was a little nervous, but she kept telling herself that everything was going to be okay. She had already confirmed that the defective pills were not from her batch, but she still wanted to check, just in case. She sat down to wait, but not even five minutes had passed before she saw the result:  

[Melanie]: Two lines, right away. It came out positive. Then I took another one and we didn’t even have to wait. It showed up right away.

[Cristóbal]: And Melanie starts crying because it’s a real shock to her, because it’s a big change, especially for the woman. 

[Melanie]: It was a real shock to me to see those two lines. Because it was everything I didn’t want.

[Daniel]: She didn’t want it… but it was happening anyway. She didn’t understand. She had always taken the pills as she was supposed to, and she was extremely careful about her schedule.

[Melanie]: I felt very sad because I didn’t know what to do. Also, it’s like when you say, “It wasn’t my fault;” it’s a strange feeling.

[Daniel]: Her suspicions about what had happened were confirmed a few days later, in September, when a friend sent her the news about another batch of Anulette CD that was also defective. And that was the one her pills belonged to. 

Now she had to face the situation. A pregnancy was not something she could ignore. So in the days that followed, she and Cristóbal began to think of alternatives. 

[Cristóbal]: We didn’t know how, how to support it. In reality, everything is difficult. On top of that, Melanie never wanted a child, either, and we had talked about it together because some couples agree to try to have a child, “Let’s try,” but we didn’t. 

[Melanie]: I looked everywhere for ways to have an abortion, but I didn’t know what the process was like. I didn’t have anyone who could tell me, “This or that is going to happen to you.”

[Daniel]: That scene was repeated more than 200 times in different cities in Chile in those days. Perhaps more women like Melanie, bewildered, holding a positive pregnancy test despite having taken all precautions. And wondering how to get out of that situation.

We’ll be back after a break.

[Daniel]: We’re back with Radio Ambulante. Our senior producer, Lisette Arévalo, picks up the story. 

[Lisette Arévalo]: I went to Chile in July 2024 to meet Melanie. I took a train from Santiago, and after almost 6 hours, I arrived in Chillán, a city of no more than 200 thousand inhabitants in the south-central part of the country. 

[Archive Soundbite]

[Airline]: Dear passengers, your attention, please. We are about to arrive at the Chillán terminal station. For your safety, please remain seated. 

[Lisette]: The first thing I felt when I got out was the cold wind on my face. It was sunny but not warm. Since she was born, Melanie has lived in that small city, with few tall buildings, and quiet except for downtown. The kind of place where there is not much to do after seven p.m.

That day, she was waiting for me at her house, which is in a residential area of one-story houses with gardens in front, a quiet neighborhood.

[Lisette]:  Thank you… Hello, Melanie, how are you? 

[Melanie]: Fine, and you? 

[Lisette]:  I’m fine… It’s cold!

[Taxi driver]: (unintelligible) (laughs)

[Lisette]: We entered on one side of the main house, where her godmother lives, and walked to the back of the lot to her small apartment—a narrow kitchen, a living and dining area, a bedroom, and a bathroom. We sat down at the table and she began to show me a folder where she kept all the medical records she had saved since she found out she was pregnant. 

[Melanie]: Here it is. June 17, 2020.

[Lisette]: Is that when you started taking the pills?

[Melanie]: Yes. The next day. The next day? Right away.

[Lisette]: That is, June 18th.

[Melanie]: Mmm-hmm… 

[Lisette]: We began by looking at what is called a “fertility card” they gave her at the Family Health Center, Cesfam, which is state-owned, when she went to ask for a free contraceptive method. It is a small card with her name, her ID number, and the date she was given the pills.

[Melanie]: It states that it is an Anulette and gives the start of the control.

[Lisette]: In addition to giving her the card, at Cesfam they explained to her how she was supposed to take the contraceptives—that she had to choose a schedule and that there were two types of pills: some containing the active ingredient and others, placebos, that she was supposed to take when she was menstruating. They also told her about the side effects she could experience: headaches, nausea, abdominal swelling.

It was the first time Melanie took contraceptives. Cristóbal was her first boyfriend, and one of the reasons why neither of them wanted to have children so soon was because they did not want to repeat their own story of growing up with very little.

Melanie had always lived alone with her mother. Her father never took responsibility for her and, although she saw him from time to time, she lost contact with him when she was 6 years old. Her mother worked very hard as a domestic worker. She was paid very little—barely enough for them to survive. So much so that they had to live in her mother’s cousin’s house.

[Melanie]: The rooms didn’t have finished floors. The floor was made of cement with stones, and there were only the basics.

[Lisette]: Melanie spent her afternoons alone, watching national television shows, because her mother worked late. She was very strict and did not allow her daughter to leave the house or hang out with other kids her age. 

[Melanie]: So maybe she was always used to that, because before it was frowned upon for a girl to be with boys, I don’t know, but she told me, “You can’t get together with boys because it gives people the wrong impression.” So for me, having boys as friends was impossible.

[Lisette]: She was so strict about this that for a long time Melanie completely closed herself off from the world. Melanie was far from being a rebellious daughter. She did everything her mother asked her to do. She went out only to school; she was a good student and helped around the house. Their relationship was difficult, but she tried hard not to cause her mother any trouble.

When she was in ninth grade, at about age 15, Melanie started working. At school, she earned a technical degree and was assigned to work in hospitality. As part of her internship, she was hired as a waitress in a restaurant. She was good at it, and over the years she rose to cashier. The job was fine, but she wanted to do something different with her life.

She had known, from a very young age, that she wanted to study something in the health field. After graduating from secondary school in 2018, she took the state exam to gain admission to college to study medicine. But her score was too low to get into that program, so she had to delay her plans. It was a disappointment, but she had time and decided she would try again in a year or two.

Meanwhile, she continued working as a cashier and began to have a social life for the first time. She made several friends and went out with them for drinks or for walks. It was a positive time in her life, and she wanted to take advantage of what she never had as a teenager, a world of her own outside her home and her mother’s strict rules. It was then that she met Cristóbal.

He delivered groceries to different places in Chillán, and one of those was the restaurant where Melanie worked. 

[Cristóbal]: The first thing I noticed was her eyes, and she was radiant. I don’t know whether she applied some kind of shine on her face, but… And then she wasn’t extremely funny, but she had a good sense of humor.

[Melanie]: He made me laugh a lot, and I don’t know, he’s very attentive to me. So I really like all those things. 

[Lisette]: It was summer, and they were 20 and 21 years old, experiencing a new love that was very exciting. They went out to eat, walked around the city together, and saw each other at work. So when the pandemic hit in March 2020, they didn’t want to stop seeing each other. Since they could only go out twice a week for grocery shopping, they decided that they would spend one week at her place and another at his. They both still lived with their parents. They didn’t know what would become of them, but at least they were together.

By June of that year, when they had been together for six months, Melanie’s mother suggested that she start taking contraceptives. It was clear that the relationship with Cristóbal was becoming more and more serious, and the last thing she wanted was for her daughter so get pregnant at such a young age.

At the health center, she was given six blister packs of Anulette CD, free of charge. She left reassured, confident that that was the right decision. Things went on like that until that day in early September, when she found out by chance that her pills were part of a defective batch.

As we heard at the beginning, the first alert from the Public Health Institute referred to a specific batch of contraceptives. The complaint came from a Family Health Center in the interior of the country, where it was found that some pills were missing from some blisters and that, in others, the placebos and the pills with the active ingredient were interchanged. And the second alert—the one about Melanie’s batch—was given at the beginning of September. This time, it was found that some pills were missing and, in addition, some had orange and black spots, and others were wet, crushed, or left traces of the pill on the blister.

Melanie had noticed this on her pills, but she hadn’t paid attention to it. She thought that maybe they were a little damp. The possibility that something was wrong didn’t cross her mind. No one thinks that something like that can happen when taking a medicine.

She showed me a photograph of the blister pack that she had saved on her cell phone. 

[Melanie]: Here’s the blister pack. And here it is with the little stain. This is the one I had finished completely, and it shows up there in the batch as well. It says B235.

[Lisette]: When does it expire?

[Melanie]: January, 2022. 

[Lisette]: Melanie had that blister pack stored in her drawer. She had forgotten to throw it away when she finished it. In the picture, it looks completely empty, but in one of the spaces where the pills were, there was a yellow stain, as if a part of the coating had come off. Now she knew that that shouldn’t happen, but at the moment she didn’t suspect that the insignificant-looking stain could change her life.

[Daniel]: We’ll be back after a break. 

[Daniel]: We’re back with Radio Ambulante. Lisette Arévalo continues the story. 

[Lisette]: The lab that manufactured those batches of Anulette CD is called Silesia. It is a subsidiary of the German pharmaceutical company Grünenthal. In 2017, it opened in Chile what it called —and I quote— “the most modern plant for women’s health products in Latin America.” But the truth is that that lab has had several production problems with at least three other oral contraceptives.

With the alert regarding the failures of Anulette CD, the Public Health Institute ordered their recall in September 2020, a few days after Melanie found out about it. Additionally, the lab’s health registration was suspended so that the pills could no longer be manufactured or distributed. However, this sanction lasted only a week, because the lab claimed that the error had been corrected.

Nevertheless, women like Melanie had no choice but to deal with the consequences. 

[Melanie]: Knowing that I got pregnant even though I was doing everything to prevent it from happening made me feel completely helpless, because it was something out of my control. I tried to control it, but it was not possible. And being pregnant is not like a mistake you can fix or try to change, because it is not an easy fix.

[Lisette]: For this reason, as we said at the beginning, one of the first options that Melanie and Cristóbal considered was to have an abortion.

But in Chile, abortion is possible only in three circumstances: if the woman’s life is in danger, if there is fetal non-viability of a lethal nature, and in cases of rape. And it is only possible up to 12 weeks of gestation, or 14 weeks for minors under 14 years of age. None of them was Melanie’s case. And even if it had been, there is a high percentage of doctors in Chilean hospitals who are conscientious objectors and refuse to perform such procedures.

So they began to look for options to do it outside the law. Melanie wrote to a friend who gave her the contact of a network of women who help others have abortions by taking pills. But they cost about 70 dollars, and neither she nor Cristóbal had that money, although they were willing to get it.

In any case, the idea was frightening to Melanie…  

[Melanie]: I didn’t know how to do it, what would happen to me if something went wrong, and I didn’t have an opportunity to do it in private because I was with my mother. Pandemic. So everything happened at the same time. 

[Lisette]: Cristóbal was also afraid, but more than anything, he felt very angry about being in that situation they had taken every precaution to avoid.

[Cristóbal]: And on top of that, I was going to put Melanie at risk because I didn’t want to have a child because of those pills, and having to go through an illegal abortion—imagine putting her life at risk. And on top of that, if they find out you had an illegal abortion, you may face criminal charges.

[Lisette]: In Chile, the penalty for voluntary abortion can range from three to five years in prison. So the fear was twofold: fear of what could happen to Melanie during the procedure, but also of the legal consequences if they were discovered. They felt trapped in an impossible situation.

While they were thinking about what to do next, Melanie went to the Family Health Center where she had been given the pills. She told a nurse what had happened, but the nurse gave her no answers—there was nothing they could do there. Melanie says the pharmacy manager, on the other hand, did write a report saying that she had had side effects, but didn’t mention that she had been given defective contraceptives.

By September, although her belly was not yet noticeable, she was beginning to feel the first symptoms of pregnancy: nausea, swelling of her legs and feet. She grew more sensitive, and she was sickened by the smell of fish and and the chlorine she used to clean at the restaurant where she worked. 

[Melanie]: And I couldn’t say I was pregnant. I couldn’t say that those things bothered me, and that I felt really bad. It was a mixed feeling. I felt I couldn’t complain because I wasn’t going to be like that for a long time. I don’t know; in my head I was looking for ways to not have it. So my mind says, “It’s okay. You’re not really pregnant.” Since it’s not going to last long, somehow you just don’t internalize it.

[Lisette]: She spent two weeks this way—hiding her pregnancy, putting up with the symptoms that were getting stronger every day. And on top of that, the stress of the situation, the confusion about what would come next, whether to have an abortion or not. Until one day, all that pushed her to the limit and she exploded. She was at work, with Cristóbal’s cousin.

[Melanie]: And I… I felt so bad. I wanted to go home because I felt so bad. So I started to cry and Cristóbal’s cousin asked me, “What’s wrong?” And I had to tell her everything that was happening, and she said, “Now, don’t worry, we… I don’t know; there have been other babies here. We have cribs, we have clothes… We can help you.” And she started to reassure me on that front, and from then on, I began seeing it differently.

[Lisette]: Gradually, Melanie regained her breath. She wiped away her tears and for the first time began to think about the possibility of having the baby. It was something she hadn’t even allowed herself to imagine, an alternative future to the one she had planned for herself. Was it possible? Would she dare? But before making a decision, she felt that she wanted to tell her mother, despite the anxiety of just thinking about it. How many times had her mother told her not to get pregnant? And there was Melanie, six weeks pregnant and not knowing what to do. She felt like she had failed her mother.

Her mother was out of town at the moment, but Melanie didn’t want to wait for her to come back. So she called her on the phone and told her: 

[Melanie]: “Do you remember there were some defective contraceptives on the news the other day? Now there are some others, and those are mine. And I am pregnant.”

[Lisette]: Although she laughs now when she recalls it, she was extremely nervous at the time. After listening, her mother started crying and hung up on her. But later, after calming down, she called back. 

[Melanie]: She said to me, “But how could you get pregnant if you are not supposed to get pregnant? I told you not to get pregnant.” It was a typical conversation of disappointment, so to speak.

[Lisette]: And the truth is that her mother didn’t fully believe her. She thought that Melanie had been careless and that she was using the defective pills as an excuse. It took a while for her to understand what had happened, although that didn’t ease her pain much. She felt that no matter how hard she had tried to avoid it, her daughter was going to end up repeating her steps. That’s why one of the first things she asked was whether Cristóbal would take responsibility for the baby. After all, she didn’t know him very well, and they had been together for just a short time. Melanie said yes, that he would be there for both of them, and that reassured her. Little by little, she began to see her daughter’s pregnancy in a different way and offered her support.

Cristóbal also decided to tell his parents:

[Cristóbal]: And I told them that our idea was really to find a way to not have it. But my mother and father were like, “What’s wrong with you?” And things like that. “Yes, you have to have it and you will have our support.”

[Lisette]: It was at that moment that Cristóbal and Melanie sat down to talk more calmly about what to do. If they went ahead with the pregnancy, they would have to say goodbye to many of their dreams. Cristóbal would not be able to apply for the Navy line staff because that involved boarding at school and spending a lot of time away from home. And Melanie would have to put aside her plans to study medicine.

[Cristóbal]: And I said to her, “You know what, Melanie, I leave it in your hands.” Because really, I mean, one can, let’s say, contribute, but in the end it is the mother’s decision. Because she is the one who is going to have to suffer most of the changes, because before it is born you don’t know how things will be. In reality, well…

[Lisette]: Melanie thought about it for a few days and finally decided that yes, she would have the baby. It was a decision that came more from fear than from excitement. Fear, above all, of having to go through an abortion. But the support she felt from Cristóbal and his family also helped her make up her mind. Feeling accompanied was the push she needed. It was the end of September, and she was about eight weeks pregnant. 

A month later, Cristóbal got a job and started saving up to buy everything they would need for their baby, from diapers to a crib. Since they didn’t have much money, Melanie continued to live with her mother and stepfather, and Cristóbal with his parents.

The pregnancy was very hard on Melanie. Not just emotionally, but also physically. She was constantly nauseous, tired, and had pain in her feet and legs. There came a point when she didn’t feel capable of working anymore, so she quit and spent all day at home watching TV. She didn’t even feel like going out. She just went to the doctor and had all the prenatal checkups they ordered. By then, they knew they were having a boy and that his name would be Máximo.

[Melanie]: I also didn’t want him to feel like I hated him or that I didn’t love him at all. But I didn’t feel that connection that he’s my son. Like, “Oh, I love him so much. I’ve always wanted this.” Or “I’m enjoying my pregnancy.” I’ve never felt that. It was more like, “Please just let’s get this over with quickly.”

[Lisette]: Cristóbal recalls that time clearly. He didn’t attach a lot of importance to his own feelings—he was more concerned about how Melanie was doing.

[Cristóbal]: She told me, “It’s not his fault that I feel this way,” because she felt that her feelings were going all the way to her tummy.

[Lisette]: He tried to support her in whatever way he could, and took on the role of provider. That’s what he had always been taught. And Melanie greatly appreciated the way he took care of her. But at the same time, she felt increasingly lonely. She barely saw her friends. Her life was very different from theirs, and they no longer had anything to talk about. Slowly, she stopped being the 20-year-old woman who was just beginning to enjoy her life. And there, at home, accompanied only by the sound of the TV, each day was more difficult than the previous one.

During one of her prenatal visits, the doctor diagnosed her with depression. She was referred to a psychiatrist who did little more than prescribe an antidepressant. Melanie took it for a while, but then stopped because she felt it was not helping.

One day in November 2020, when Melanie was over 12 weeks pregnant, a friend shared an Instagram post with her. It was from an organization that fights for sexual and reproductive rights in Chile, the Miles Corporation. It said:

[Melanie]: “What can you do legally if you were affected by using defective contraceptives?” And below in the description it says, “If you were affected by using defective contraceptive pills, you can call us for free legal support. Write to us at consejeria@miles dot cl.” 

[Lisette]: Melanie was surprised to see the post. Ever since she found out that her pills were part of the defective batch, it never occurred to her that she could make a claim. She didn’t even know where she would have to go for something like that. But now, reading this, and for the first time in a long time, she felt some hope.

[Daniel]: We’ll be back after a break. 

[Daniel]: We’re back with Radio Ambulante. Our senior producer, Lisette Arévalo, continues the story. 

[Lisette]: When Melanie saw the Miles Corporation’s Instagram post, she researched a little more about who they were. They had been working for five years in training, legal and psychological counselling, and sexual health.

She thought they could help her, so she wrote to them immediately, telling them about her case. Melanie’s email was not the only one they received; 227 women wrote to them. But it many more are known to have been affected.

Official data say that Anulette CD pills were distributed to just over 380 thousand people. Knowing exactly who the women behind those numbers are is impossible. Public health services do not keep a record of who received the defective batches, and this prevented them from being alerted in time.

According to the Miles Corporation, in addition to this, when the Public Health Institute detected the problem, it did not act in the most efficient way because it did not publicize the alert widely. They published a newsletter on their website and put up a poster in health centers, but most women found out what was happening because NGOs and feminist groups spread the information on social networks and the media.

Like Melanie, several women were diagnosed with depression or had to stop taking antidepressants because the drug could put their pregnancy at risk. And, like Melanie, many other women also feel guilty. Not to mention how the pregnancy and the situation in general has affected their mental health. 

[Luz Reidel Wagner]: When we talk about mental health, we can see what is most immediately visible, but we are unable to quantify what it means for someone who has dreams and plans, of going to school, for example.

[Lisette]: This is Luz Reidel Wagner, a lawyer and part of the Miles Corporation.

[Luz]: Furthermore, in such an unequal society as ours, when it comes to the economic sphere, women are in a much more vulnerable situation than their male counterparts, and the same occurs with tasks involved in housekeeping and caregiving. 

[Lisette]: In the case of Anulette CD, it is even more serious because they were used by women with limited resources. And this failure has not been the only case in Chile. Since 2018, there have been at least five alerts from the Public Health Institute for defective contraceptives in the country. The last one occurred in June 2023, with some pills that were sold in pharmacies.

[Luz]: There is a basic problem, which is, ultimately, how much importance we are attaching to a drug that allows women to have control over their sexuality, over their reproduction in some way. And there we can observe, in one way or another, a gender bias in how much importance we are attaching to this issue.

[Lisette]: According to Luz, not all drugs should be seen as being on the same level. The effect that a defective medication for muscle pain, for example, can have cannot be compared to the effect of a contraceptive.

For these reasons, the Miles Corporation felt the need to seek some kind of compensation from the State. So in late 2020, they met with Melanie and over 200 other women in several video calls. They asked them to collect the evidence they found, such as blister packs and medical documents, in order to build a case. Early in 2021, they prepared everything they could and began a mediation process so that both the lab and the State would be held responsible for the maternity cases due to defective contraceptives. And then the news began to spread everywhere. 

[Archive Soundbite]

[Reporter]: 280 thousand blister packs of possibly defective contraceptives distributed in clinics across the country.

[Reporter]: In Chile, at least 111 women who had participated in the state-run family planning program became pregnant after using a defective contraceptive.

[Reporter]: Over one hundred women will file a lawsuit against the State in April.

[Lisette]: The demands they made of the State included, according to what they told us, psychological help for the women affected, the guarantee that such a failure will not be repeated, and training for health personnel so that they can detect defects in the medications in time. And also, updating the information system so that pill batches can be traced immediately to the people who are taking them.

By then, in February 2021, the only action the State had taken had been to fine the two labs of the Grünenthal pharmaceutical company for 66 million Chilean pesos—about 90 thousand dollars—for the manufacture and distribution of the defective contraceptives. But none of that money was intended for women like Melanie. In fact, when I asked the Miles Corporation about this money, they told me that it is not known whether the labs paid the fine or what it was used for.

While the case was appearing on the national and international media and the legal process was moving forward, Melanie was approaching her due date: May 2021. When I met her, I asked her to show me pictures from her last months of pregnancy, but she told me she didn’t have many.

[Lisette]: Didn’t you feel like taking pictures?

[Melanie]: No, not at all. That whole time makes me feel a little sad. Like I knew I was pregnant. Sometimes I felt that he was moving, but it couldn’t be. And I felt guilty. And I felt sorry because I saw other women who showed affection: “Hi, there.” They would play music or they would talk to them because they knew they were there. But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have that kind of affection. 

[Lisette]: Her disconnection with that baby, with Máximo, lasted throughout the pregnancy. The birth came early. At 36 weeks, in April, her water broke. Cristóbal took her to the hospital right away. Melanie had contractions for 22 hours. The nurses were testing to see how dilated she was while she was doubling up with pain. And all that time, she was alone. Because of the pandemic restrictions, Cristóbal was not allowed in except at the time of delivery.

When the baby was born, the doctor handed him to Melanie, who received him in her arms without really understanding what she was feeling. 

[Melanie]: It was very strange because, well, again the feeling of guilt, because they always say that women take their newborn and start crying. You see things like, “Oh, at last!” And I didn’t feel those things. So it was like, “What do I do?” No, I didn’t feel this. “There must be something wrong with me. I’m doing something wrong. Don’t I want him, or what’s going on? Like when will that turn on?” No, it didn’t happen to me.

[Lisette]: Melanie stayed in the hospital with Máximo for a few days. She was overwhelmed by everything she had to learn—how to bathe him, change his diaper, burp him, breastfeed him. The nurses explained everything to her little by little. And in those moments of solitude with her son, she began to assimilate her new reality. She was now the mother of that tiny baby who was lying in his crib, next to her hospital bed. Alone in her room, she heard him breathe, move slowly. And then she realized that she was everything to him. 

[Melanie]: I remember being in the recovery room and out of the blue he was crying, and I just said, “Shhh,” and he stopped when he heard me, and it was like, “Wow, he recognized me,” and things like that. So all those little things made me feel like, “Wow, he really is my son. It’s really happening, and in spite of everything, none of this is his fault.” Like all they want is to be with us. 

[Lisette]: But the sadness and anxiety that accompanied her every month of her pregnancy did not disappear when she went back home with her baby in her arms. She felt lost and had a hard time fulfilling the role she had never wanted to play.

[Melanie]: There were times when I would say, “Is this me? Is this my reality?” I really didn’t know him. And anyhow, when you have a child, you feel like you have a hormonal drop and it’s like you feel even worse emotionally. I would look at my bed and, I don’t know why, I would start crying inconsolably. I don’t know why, but I would see something, a piece of clothing, and I would cry, and I couldn’t stop crying. It was a lot, too much. I remember that time and it makes me very sad, the pain I felt. It still makes me very sad. 

[Lisette]: Cristóbal continued to live with his parents and went three times a week to look after him and try to give Melanie a break. But this help was not enough for her. She felt overwhelmed, and sometimes her son did not want to be with anyone else but her.

[Melanie]: I was in my room, and Máximo was crying, and it was like, “I don’t want this, I didn’t ask for it, I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be sad, I want to sleep peacefully…” Maybe I would have been doing something else and would not be here like this… But it’s not that I don’t love my son… It’s like… like strange.

[Lisette]: For Cristóbal, too, everything was a learning experience, and he was exhausted every time Máximo cried disconsolately.

[Cristóbal]: I almost cried with my son because he cried nonstop and I didn’t know how to calm him down, because sometimes I had to stay with him so that she could get some rest. Just when she wasn’t there, he was like, breast, breast, breast, breast and I… I couldn’t. And it just frustrated me.

[Lisette]: So Cristóbal focused on the only thing he felt he could do to help: work to pay for diapers, bottles, canned milk—everything they might need. Those were very hard months for both of them, with a lot of changes, expenses, and stress. And as if that weren’t enough, when Melanie was out with Máximo and she met up with someone, she often felt she was being judged. 

[Melanie]: I don’t know, people I hadn’t seen in a long time. “Oh, oh, you have a child, blah, blah.” And she said, “Now, how…?” I said, “I was taking pills and they were defective.” “It couldn’t be that you took them correctly….” So it’s like, “But why would I lie about that?”

People sometimes judge you even if they know that. It’s your fault. Why are you having sex if you’re going to get pregnant?

[Lisette]: In any case, everything that was said in the media about this case benefited her and the other women in some way. In July 2021, the pharmaceutical company responded to the mediation process and they reached a confidential agreement. Melanie could not give me any details, but she did tell me that it was a financial compensation that, although it helped somewhat, for her it was not enough. But it was that or nothing.

On the other hand, the mediation with the Chilean State went nowhere because it did not agree to comply with the minimum demands that we mentioned before: no psychological help, no guarantee of non-repetition, no training of health personnel. Nor did it update the system to track women who take a certain batch of pills. So the next step for Melanie and the other women was to file a civil lawsuit with the help of the lawyers of the Miles Corporation.

After everything that had happened, what Melanie wanted most was to have answers. For someone to answer for everything she had had to live through and what she had had to give up. 

[Melanie]: The State should be present. Monetary aid would of course be very helpful. But in the end, they should help us validate the feeling that it was their mistake. And lastly, they should have support in case it happens again. It would be good if women who take contraceptives had a record that indicates the batch, a document that tells you, “Yes, you were taking this,” so that their story is not questioned as well.

[Lisette]: The lawsuit took a little over two years to be drafted. It was not filed until May 2024. When I was in Chile, in July of that year, they still hadn’t received any response. And when I contacted the Ministry of Public Health to ask for an interview, they referred me to the Institute of Public Health, but they refused to grant it, on the grounds that the case was going through the judicial process. The labs also denied me an interview, saying they would not issue any more statements on the matter.

What I did find out is that the Ministry of Women and Gender Equality had adopted some measures to prepare in case something like this happened again. In 2023, they reclassified contraceptive drugs as class 1, so that if a defect is detected again, a public alert is issued to consumers and the drug is recalled. In addition, they also implemented measures to monitor 115 contraceptives, the most widely used in the country.

For the members of the Miles Corporation, these measures are not enough because they are not preventive. And failures continue to occur. Like the one I mentioned before, which occurred in June 2023. These were the Marilow pills, distributed by private pharmacies. In fact, when I was in Chile, I spoke to a woman who became pregnant taking those contraceptives. Her life, like Melanie’s, changed drastically. But she told me something that shocked me: she had decided to make a financial effort in order to buy them because she did not trust the pills distributed by the State for free. And yet, it still happened to her.

That is why the lawyers of the Miles Corporation hope that the lawsuit will establish a precedent to bring about long-term changes throughout the country. They are also working on a bill on defective contraceptives so that if something like this happens again, women can access justice more quickly. But there is still a long way to go before there will be any results from both the lawsuit and the bill.

Meanwhile, women like Melanie will go on with their lives, waiting for some kind of answer from the State, taking care of their children and distrusting a health system that failed to take care of them.

Melanie told me that she has not taken contraceptives again. And although Cristóbal and she are careful to use condoms, it has been difficult for her to resume her sexual life in peace. That was also taken away from her.

[Melanie]: For example, my cycle is very irregular, so there are days when I am late and I say, “No!” and my mind goes into, “Not again, not again,” and I feel like I’m being chased,  until my period comes back. It’s like I am afraid, I am always afraid that it’s going to fail again.

[Lisette]: As time went by, Melanie grew closer to her son. When he made a gesture, when he smiled. When he started to turn over for the first time, to crawl, to walk, Melanie began to smile too, wishing to preserve all those moments in photographs.

She showed me several: one of Cristóbal holding him. Of a trip the three of them made to southern Chile, when Máximo was still a baby. Of his baptism and him making all kinds of faces. It was perhaps the first time I saw her smile during our conversation.

[Lisette]: It’s a complex situation, isn’t it? Going from not loving him to loving him.

[Melanie]: Yes, in the end, I don’t know… I don’t know, now I can’t imagine anything without him. I blame myself for not having loved him during the pregnancy and not having enjoyed that, too.

[Lisette]: When we ended our conversations, I went to meet Máximo, who was at Melanie’s mother’s house, in her old room. They started playing like they were cooking.

[Máximo]: I’m going to cut those… those… those seeds.

[Melanie]: The chicken seeds?

[Máximo]: Yes… Don’t you like that seed?

[Melanie]: Some of them are delicious. Be careful not to cut yourself. Is it ready?

[Máximo]: Mmm-hmm… Eat. And this pepper, eat.

[Melanie]: OK. And the fork? 

[Máximo]: Coming… 

[Lisette]: There, in that same place where Melanie had spent the hardest days of her pregnancy and the exhausting first nights with Máximo, she laughed… at what he said, at the speed with which he moved, passing her the forks, knives, plastic vegetables.

I asked her how she felt now that she had been with him for four years.  

[Melanie]: It’s hard for me. I still feel like… I don’t feel like a super mom. I feel like I’m lacking a lot of things, but still, I feel a little more comfortable being a mother. Like now, yes. I’m more affectionate with him. He has taught me a lot of that, I think, like being able to express my affection and all those things.

[Lisette]: Melanie is still learning to navigate that gray area she lives in, learning to enjoy motherhood which she didn’t seek, longing for the life she could have had, but at the same time unable to imagine a future without her son.

[Daniel]: In 2024, Melanie began studying nursing at a private institute with a government loan. Cristóbal continues to work supplying food stores, and although they do not live together yet, they continue to have a relationship.

Although the Chilean State has not purchased more Anulette CD pills, it continued to open bids for other medications from the lab that produced them.

This episode was produced with the support of the Howard G. Buffet Fund for Women Journalists of the International Women’s Media Foundation.

Thanks to Sebastián Vergara of Corporación Miles for his help with this episode. And to Daniela Díaz, for telling us the story of her pregnancy caused by the failure of the Marilow contraceptives.

Lisette Arévalo is a senior producer at Radio Ambulante and lives in Quito, Ecuador. This episode was edited by Camila Segura and Emilia Erbetta. Bruno Scelza did the fact-checking. The sound design is by Andrés Azpiri with music by Ana Tuirán.

The rest of the Radio Ambulante team includes Paola Alean, Pablo Argüelles, Adriana Bernal, Aneris Casassus, Diego Corzo, Camilo Jiménez Santofimio, Rémy Lozano, Selene Mazón, Juan David Naranjo, Melisa Rabanales, Natalia Ramírez, Barbara Sawhill, David Trujillo, Elsa Liliana Ulloa, Luis Fernando Vargas and Desireé Yépez.

Carolina Guerrero is the CEO. 

Radio Ambulante is a podcast by Radio Ambulante Estudios, produced and mixed on the Hindenburg PRO program.

If you enjoyed this episode and want us to continue doing independent journalism about Latin America, support us through Deambulantes, our membership program. Visit radioambulante.org/donar and help us continue narrating the region.

Radio Ambulante tells the stories of Latin America. I’m Daniel Alarcón. Thanks for listening.